I don’t think that there’s any one answer on how to deal with finding out about a spouse turning to another person for comfort and companionship. It hurts like hell and every person has to make their own choice on whether or not it is in their best interest to remain in the relationship and whether or not the relationship could even be salvaged. My story is different than most, because in my case the other woman is no longer living, and I don’t have to deal with her ever coming back into our lives – and just in case you’re wondering, it had nothing to do with me or my spouse. She and her spouse had a very dysfunctional relationship that tragically ended in a murder/suicide. Another reason that I don’t think my husband truly saw her for the person that she was. She was a master manipulator and she placed people in her life for her own purposes. I don’t know what purpose my husband fulfilled, though I assume she saw in him what she did not have in own husband and chose to use him to make him jealous and/or to torture him. I don’t know but my therapist has certainly made me see how dangerous their relationship was and she even feels that if it had continued it would have caused serious psychological damage to my husband and quite possibly could have caused him his life. While her death was tragic, I would be lying if I said that I am not glad that she is not in our lives; she was an evil, sinister person and was able to hide that very well from her family and friends. It almost killed me to read what people wrote about her after her death, they were truly deceived. Anyway, my point is that we all have are own stories. They are all different, but what they all share is that a person made a choice that will forever have consequences. The choice is yours in how you plan on dealing with these consequences. I know for me it was a matter of tearing down walls I had built for years. By no means do I accept sole responsibility for why this happened, but I see the changes I need to make in me FOR ME. In doing that, I am becoming a stronger, confident person. I realize that the choice is mine in whether or not I stay in this marriage and I realize that I can only expect to get out of it what I am willing to put into it. Sometimes its scary because you don’t want to take the chance of being hurt again. But other times it feels so completely freeing to be able to leap off the cliff and realize that whatever happens, I will find a way to deal with it. Putting positive thoughts out there really does help bring those positive feelings back to you. Doing things that make me feel good and that better me have really helped too. I accept that I will still have days that I will wallow in self-pity, but those days are becoming farther apart. Time will not heal this wound, there will always be a scar. But, like wrinkles, I’ve earned this scar and it has made me who I am today. I hope you all find what works for YOU!
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