Apology

I have to apologize for my posts the last few days.  We went through a rough patch, but got back on track.  I relayed my feelings and he seemed to accept that.  He apologized and we cleared some things up.  Sometimes you have to be very clear and not assume anything.  His attitude was making me feel like I did when the affair was happening and I told him that.  He told me it offended him that I made reference to that and I explained that whether or not it offended him, that is how I felt and I will not apologize for that.  When somebody is distant and hangs up before you are finished speaking, it is the exact same behavior as in Sept. of last year and I won’t tolerate it.  I think it’s important to be clear on what you will and will not tolerate.  I’m not trying to hold anything over his head, but I am at a point that I now know what the symptoms were that led to the affair and I will not allow them back into my life.  I told him that I loved him before I went to bed, something I never would have done in the past when I was mad.  I think more than anything, we have to learn to fight without taking everything personal and he has to learn that when he gets stressed at work, he doesn’t need to bring that drama into our marriage.  I am there to support him, but I cannot tolerate constant negativity.  I will not go into that kind of despair and the effects it has on my physical and mental health cause me to pull away from our relationship.  After all, nobody likes to be around someone who has nothing but negative things to say about everything.  Our finances cause us the most arguments and I think I still need to make it clear that although it is a long road, every month we are getting closer to our goal.  We have to keep our heads up and not let temporary set backs affect us.  He would really like to be able to quit his job before he has another and I don’t agree with that.  I feel that that will only get us further into debt.  I tend to think financially here and he tends to think with emotions here, direct opposite of how any other arguments go.  He blames me for the debt, but I know that I am not the only one that bought stuff when we shouldn’t have.  But, that’s all in the past and we can’t change that, but we can change is how we move forward.  I’m hoping he finally realizes that and we don’t have to keep having the same argument over and over.  It’s a long road, but we’ll get there.

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