There is not a single instance in history where hate has brought joy to human beings. It is a negative force that serves only to destroy those who hold it in their mind and body. If the majority of humanity released all hate, fear, and resentment, wars would disappear from our planet.
-The Secret
so enjoyed your journey—how are things now—-do you ever feel peace again —–does the pain go away—–how can I stay and be happy,not sad all the time—why stay —-should I go—why do I have to be the one to suffer,i did not cheat—-I do not believe a word he says to me—why do I torture myself—this is not healthy for me or the kids—–so, so sad
I am so so sorry you are going through this. Betrayal is a horrible, devastating thing that you did NOT deserve! I don’t really post here anymore, and perhaps I should. I can honestly say I do feel peace now and it is such a gift. I don’t know how long you are into your journey, but it has been just over 3 years for me. What works for me may not work for you or anyone else. Each person has to decide for themselves what is best for them and their kids. The pain will one day go away, but I’m afraid there will always be a scar. I can honestly say that my husband has true regret for what he did. I know with every fiber of my being that he wishes he could take it all away and that he would have never let that snake into his life. Unfortunately, he can’t take it away, so it’s something that requires work – ALOT of work. For a long time, I became so busy with work and kids that I couldn’t think about it. Avoidance is probably not the best remedy, but it gave me some time to be able to smile again and not cry every day. We went through marriage counseling for a few sessions, probably should have gone for a few more. But our marriage counselor tended to take sides and that really didn’t seem to help the situation. My husband did not want to go to counseling if he was going to be bashed every week. I can’t really blame him for that, but it felt good to have someone on my side and I’m glad we went. She did give us some good communication tools that we still use and more than anything I did feel like it was a pretty good start to recovery for us. It’s been a long road and I still feel like I have built up walls that I don’t let him through. I’m working very hard on that because I don’t want to shut him out, I just don’t want to be hurt again. One thing counseling did teach me was that I really don’t need to fear that as much as I do. I’ve already been through the worst, so really I should be fearless by now. I’m working on it. My head understands that concept completely, but my heart is not quite on board yet. So I guess what I’m trying to save is that it is still a journey for me. I don’t think about the other woman any more, she was a snake and a symptom of a broken marriage. It was never about her. It was about a fantasy that she created in his head. He realizes now that it never would have been reality. Work, kids, finances would have eventually creeped into her little love fest too. So we’re working really hard in creating the reality that we dreamed of. A marriage that has trust, love and passion. He has supported me in obtaining career goals and the man I knew 3 years ago would never have done that. I still sometimes cringe when I hear him say that he loves me so much. That voice in my head starts to creep in saying “Well you didn’t feel that way 3 years ago”. But I guess that’s exactly it – 3 years ago we were both in a different place than we are now. We will always have to work to make time for each other, to make our relationship a priority, and to communication our differences without blame or guilt. Letting go of the hurt and forgiving is the hardest thing I’ve ever done. But it can be done. It just takes time. I wish you well on your journey! Whether you stay or whether you leave, you deserve an amazing life. I hope you go out there and get that for yourself!